Looking back on a year of marriage this is what I've learned.
No matter how ready you think you are, marriage is an adjustment
And that's ok! It doesn't mean that you made the wrong choice or you're not ready. It just means that you're normal and you're making a new life. New things always need adjusting to. Mitch and I realized this early on and decided to give ourselves a break and adjust.
Marriage takes work. It takes good, hard, lovely work
I love the work that I put into my marriage. Every disagreement or misunderstanding that is worked out, every part of him that I work to understand, every prideful tendency I have that I work to overcome is all worth it. It's the best work that I do all day.
Communicating is so important
Whether you are having a heated discussion, talking about your love life, discussing your in-laws or who is going to take out the garbage, it's all important. Any time and effort that you spend trying to get on the same page is so worth it (remember that all work is worth it). I've realized that Mitch and I agree on a lot of the same things. But when he doesn't express his opinions in the same words that I do sometimes I feel like we aren't on the same page (I'm still learning). I'm learning that if I ask intentional questions to understand Mitch then usually we can understand each other before the gloves come off.
Not everyone will give your marriage the respect it deserves. You have to always protect your marriage.
It doesn't matter who disrespects it, as long as you protect it. And you will find plenty of people and things that will not respect your marriage. Our society will encourage long hours at the office, watching the game with the boys, a night on the town with the girls, continuing to live independently, separating responsibilities (which can be things like not sharing in the work or separating finances in an unhealthy way) and so on. Family and friends may be negative towards your precious, new marriage. It can be through direct or indirect comments and suggestions. This is your new life and you have to protect it. Don't talk about your marriage in a negative manner and don't sit around while other people or things disrespect your new life. This was something that Mitch and I had problems with when we first got married. We had people say that our marriage wouldn't last or we weren't good for each other and we realized that this negative attitude could hurt our marriage if we let it. We decided to distance ourselves from those people and continue to surround ourselves with people and things that supported our marriage. Protecting your marriage can seem like a sacrifice, but remember that you are adjusting and your marriage is number one now.
You have a clean slate as you create your new family
This is your family. It's not your parents' family or his parents' family. It is your family. Mitch and I have decided to take good things from both of our families and then fill in everything else with the things that work the best for us. Before we even got married we talked about being intentional with this 'clean slate', being intentional with creating our new family. I love the feeling.
Enjoy this new phase together.
This is a wonderful, God-given time that you have together. Enjoy it because it won't be like this forever. You'll never be newlywed again. You'll never be experiencing this again. And while it will change, the next phase is going to be great and then the next phase after that.
